Lillian Indigo's Story and Our Vision
Our vision is to help children, teens, and parents to become empowered by education on what our children face today
Before this year Lily was a happy go lucky kind of girl. She was smart, talented, outgoing, funny, had lots of friends and full of confidence. People described her as "sweet, caring, helpful, crazy, fun, and full of life." Before her death, at age 13 she had changed dramatically. She was sullen, withdrawn, moody, cold, fearful of others, isolative, and had low self-esteem.
One day she decided, "I've had enough. I'm trash. I want to kill myself," and she did. I found her on June 21, 2017, laying on her bed with the covers over her body. I could only see the back of her head. I shook her to get her up to church but she was gone. Her body was blue, cold and lifeless.
What happened her friends asked? I really don't know the whole story. All I can do is tell you what I know. Some of the signs I noticed at first was her strong desire to be homeschooled. She would ask me constantly and gave the reasons, "I hate that school" or "I can't be around people, they scare me." I told her NO. That was probably the worst decision I could make for her.
She started to isolate herself. She would call me from school to come pick her up because her "stomach was sick." She would also ask me if she could stay home from school. She displayed signs of helplessness and low self-esteem. Her grades went down. She lost interest in school and her creative activities. She wanted to be driven back and forth to school. She became clingy to me when we'd go out places. She was withdrawn and evasive making remarks about being lonely and having no friends. She also asked me many times, "can we move? I just want a whole new start and a new life." She started writing dark poetry and drawing dark pictures. Her Facebook posts became gloomy. Some often talked about feeling alone, suicide, and other dark things.
She was in a dark place starting in November. She then started to self-harm by cutting superficially on her wrists. I took her to get help many times but they would always tell me she's not suicidal and she contracted for safety not to injure herself anymore. I became frustrated with the system. I worked in that same system as a psych nurse and still, nobody listened. I was horrified.
People were calling her and "attention whore" or an "attention seeker." She was told to "peace out" (which means kill yourself), "go ahead and kill yourself because nobody likes you," and "we knew you were going to do it anyway." What kind of remarks is that to a child of 13. Messages to her were unbelievable on Facebook. She also had a Tumblr account I found out about after she died. That site is dark, full of rated X stuff I would never look at. Tumblr has keywords like self-harm, cutting, suicide, extreme weight loss, torture, and fellatio. It is way too graphic for anyone to see.
Meanwhile, Lily stopped cutting and then attempted to OD on March 17th and took a total of 21 tablets of an over the counter pain remedy over 3 days. I did not find this out until much later. Again attempted to get help but was told the same thing. They gave me some numbers to call and they said she would be on a waiting list and could be seen in 6 weeks. I contacted those places and was told if she didn't want to talk I was "wasting my time and theirs." Within 6 weeks she was gone.
However when she stopped cutting she began to help other teens like her. She took on too much. She was struggling with who she was. Then her father died on June 6th. He was not in her life but it grieved her deeply to know she could not see him and began to feel guilty. She got worse and stopped eating. I had 2 strokes on June 7th and was in the hospital a few days after her father died. To top it off boyfriend and she was fighting and she told him she was suicidal. He told her to "peace out, we knew you'd do it anyway." That was the night she OD on sleeping pills. Before she died she sang "Dancing in the Sky" by Dani and Lizzy and posted it on Facebook. A few hours later she was dead.
The most horrifying part of it all besides she's gone is that so many of her friends knew she was suicidal, knew she was self-harming and NONE OF THEM told anyone. Two people were actually Facebook chatting with her about the time she was dying. She even told them she was dying for real. One person told her, "sorry I'm too high to help you, " and the other friend told her "your and attention whore." I couldn't believe it. This is the main reason for starting Project LIRA. People need to speak up so a teen doesn't kill themselves. I read through all Lily's messages on Facebook and on her phone and iPod and many teens were also saying they were going to kill themselves. KMS=kill myself.
I was scared, angry, and beside myself thinking why did they not tell. That's why now there is Project LIRA. I want people to tell on others who are self-harming. I want to tell everyone what to look for. IT IS IMPORTANT TO TAKE SOMEONE THAT SAYS THEY ARE SUICIDAL VERY SERIOUS EVERY TIME !!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ANOTHER CHILD/TEEN SUICIDE.
Meet the Team
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Founder & CEO
Paula Adams is the founder of Project Lira and the mother of Lillian Adams. She also has a son Kemper who is 17 and is getting ready for his last year of high school. Paula has been a registered nurse in mental health since 2001.
Richard is the co-founder of Project Lira. He was a big part of Lily's life before she died. He would help her do many things and get her off to school every morning. He was a positive influence in Lily's life.
Investigative Reporter & Blogger
Madisen's bio goes here
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